Proud Mama

Have I mentioned lately what a fabulous daughter I have? I mean, seriously, I know ALL moms are proud of their kids but I think I have one incredible daughter!

I mean, just look at her! 

Not only is she beautiful, smart, talented, kind, compassionate, intelligent, concerned about others and our environment, a true believer in Christ and well behaved, (as if that were not enough!) she is quickly becoming a good friend to me.

When Dad is at work, and it is just us girls, we watch movies, talk, and just hang out. We spend a lot of time together. I enjoy that she is old enough now to have adult conversations and she articulates her feelings so well. We can talk about just about anything. I cherish this time, because I know it will go by quickly.

In an age where most kids think their parents are complete idiots and can barely tolerate to be in the same room with their parents, I have an AMAZING daughter who seems to actually enjoy being with me!

I am blessed!

Bloggy Direction

I am in a funk.
I am in a funk with blogging, scrapbooking, and most heartbreaking of all, cooking.

I love to do all these things, but somehow, I just have no motivation to do ANY of them. Is it the back to school thing? Is it the heat? Is it my mounting sleep deficit?

I am trying to rationalize why I do the things that I do. I cook because I love to eat, I love to see my family enjoy a meal together, I love to try new recipes and see how they work out and it is something that comes easy to me. I truly love to cook and bake, and have been doing so since I was about 8 or 10. But in recent days, more often than not, it has been a lot of sandwiches and take out pizza.

I love to scrapbook. I have scrapbooked since my daughter was 2, so over 11 years now all total. I have a room all to myself to work in, and I have tons of happy supplies that need to be used before they dry rot.  I love preserving memories for future generations, and I have boxes of great pictures. I used to walk by the door to my scrapbook room and hear the paper, ribbons, and adhesives call to me....."COME PLAY!!!!!!!!!"......now all I see is my cat sleeping on my desk and the vacuum parked in front of my sewing machine.

And blogging? I used to feel like I could write every day. I used to have something witty and/or funny to say, or something that seemed worthwhile to share quite often. Now? I just feel like blogging is another thing on my to-do list.

So what about you? Do you blog? Sew? Scrapbook? Work out? Knit? What is your passion? Why do you do the things that you do, and what KEEPS you doing them?

It's Almost Time....

...for school. My daughter starts eighth grade at a new school next week. Due to district rezoning, she will not attend her old middle school. It has been an adjustment for her, but I am happy to day that we learned tonight at open house that she will be in homeroom and all core classes with her two best friends. Talk about happy!

First semester she will take:
9th grade math
math application
physical science
Georgia history
9th grade language arts/reading
9th grade Spanish
band/guitar

She is excited and so are we! I hope that 8th grade is the best year ever!

Abba Father

Every week my pastor sends out an email with something that he feels led to share with us. While each week's thoughts are always very good, today's words strummed a chord with me.

A portion of Bishop Tomberlin's email reads a as follows:

Isn't it interesting that none of the Old Testament writers referred to God as "Father?"  The Old Testament is where we find "the Law" or many attempts at pleasing God (religion). This means that there was no concept of God as "Father" until Jesus came along and referred to God as "Abba Father."  Jesus came to introduce us to a bigger concept of God as our "divine parent." 

I had never thought about when and where God is referred to by specific names. But I do know that Jesus came to bring us into a loving relationship with our Heavenly Father, and His life on this earth freed us from the law of the Old Testament. What a wonderful revelation that we can approach God as our Father, who loves us so much that He sent His own Son to die for us rather than some far off mysterious entity who is so often portrayed as angry, judgmental and condemning!

Thank you Father, for loving me.

Have you ever............

...........come across a picture that needs no explanation? I did. It is my niece and her husband, at their wedding reception two weeks ago.
I am honored to share it with you:

Road Trip

About ten days ago my husband, daughter and I loaded up the car and headed to Louisiana for my niece's wedding. We left our home at 5:00 AM, and hit the Interstate. After a couple of hours, my husband got drowsy so I took the driver's seat. I drove on up the Interstate, listening to the quiet hum of the tires as we rolled along. Not much traffic. The sun was up, but not shining brightly overhead yet.

I turned off of the Interstate onto a road (one I had not traveled before) on the advice of MapQuest. It was GA Hwy 96 and it promised to take us across the state of Georgia into Columbus before we headed south down through Montgomery and Mobile on Interstates 85 and 65, across I-10 and finally onto I-12 into Louisiana.

My husband and daughter were asleep. I found myself watching as the straight, gray, and incessantly boring interstate road gave way into the lush, green gracefully rolling landscape of green trees and quiet roadside land. Everywhere I looked I saw farms with fields rolling for miles of with the beautiful greenery of peas, beans, squash and tomatoes. I saw fields of towering corn stalks, tasseled at the top and promising a good crop. I saw wide expanses of rolling pastures with goats, cows, and horses munching quietly and peacefully on their breakfasts as we drove swiftly past. We passed peach tree orchards with short stubby trees heavy with fruits, and pecan groves with tall, stately trees stretching high and proud above the ground.

I began praying as I drove. I thanked God for this beauty, and repented for taking so much for granted. I prayed blessings and prosperity for the farmers that have struggled so in the past few years of drought and seemed to be having a bumper crop this year. I prayed for the merchants who had small stores along this route, that they would survive our country's current economic crisis and continue to supply their community with goods and services and that their sales would support their own family. I thanked God for His goodness and the beauty He created, and for allowing me to experience it on my quiet ride.

A little farther along I passed an open area on my right, with large silver electrical lines running alongside the highway. As I drove I saw a thin cloud of fog sweep across the valley under the power lines and it took my breath. Surrounded by all this beauty, I wondered if that thin foggy cloud was in any way similar in appearance to the Spirit of God that walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day in The Garden of Eden. It floated just above the ground, wispy and light, sheer and beautiful in the morning light.

I don't know what Adam and Eve saw and experienced in their time with God, but I am thankful that I had my own time with my Heavenly Father that morning, just cruising along Hwy 96. It was amazing.

A new addiction

I have a confession to make. I am sure this will be earth shattering and somewhat shocking revelation to many readers. I never watched Sex And The City on HBO.

Seriously????? Yup. Even when it was all the rage a few years back, it never appealed to me and we did not have HBO anyway, so I didn't feel like I was missing out

Bring on the hysterectomy. While recovering, I spent a lot of time in excruciating pain and piled up in my bed. When my collection of DVR shows and on demand movies was exhausted, I scrolled through channel after channel begging for something to watch to take my mind off of my painful reality. I stumbled across the Sex and The City movie on HBO, which we got free for a month from our cable provider to suck up for screwing up our service and not fixing it right the first time. I watched it, expecting to be bored witless which combined with Demerol may not have been a hard feat to accomplish.

Guess what? I LOVED IT!!!!! It was not the sex (and believe me there was a lot of it but somehow less than I expected from all the hype)it was the story of the friendship between four women that I loved. They stuck through it all, divorce, wedding disaster, children, and still remained friends. Not just casual friends mind you, but the kind that finish each other's sentences and know each other inside and out yet still love each other.

After the movie, I wondered what I was missing out on. I searched my listings and found that TBS shows a cleaned up version in our area every morning at 1:00 and another episode at 1:30am. I watched an episode. I was hooked.

My DVR now clicks to record SATC every early morning. I watch the shows when Jamie is on the boat. There is still more sex that is probably appropriate and I am not sure that spending the time watching the reruns is exactly beneficial or edifying in ANY way, but I sure love the story of these four women. Now....who wants to go see SATC2 with me in the theater???????????????????

Free Hugs in Sondrio, Italy

My friend Noel posted this link on Facebook this morning and I just love it.

I was sad when I first started watching the video, but as it played on it was so heartwarming to watch people's expressions change. I especially loved that these were real, genuine, open arm hugs, not those halfway stiff armed things some people give that make you feel like they are afraid to touch anyone for fear of contamination or something. These were the REAL THING!



How easy would it be to affect many people with such a simple act? You never know what a person is going through in the depths of their heart. So often people could have their whole day/life/world changed by a simple hug.


Who have YOU hugged today?

Last week of 7th grade

Today starts the last week of Marissa's 7th grade year. She is so ready for summer! I think that after the CRCT, the kids are just done. They are exhausted, frustrated, and as the weather gets hotter they are just ready to be out of school. Unfortunately, our school system has the kids in school until June 11. Thankfully, we do not return in early August as neighboring counties do, we wait until September to return. :)

So today is the last Monday of 7th grade, and also the last Monday that my daughter will attend this school. Due to redistricting she will attend  another school next year, but still in the International Baccalaureate program. She will be closer to home, but she is hesitant to change schools. She is a creature of habit, and very much like her Mama, in that she does not like change of any kind. We like things to be steady, even keeled, and predictable. :) It is also the last Monday that any of the kids at her middle school will actually be in that building for middle school, as it is being converted to a high school this fall. The middle school will move to the elementary school in September. Big changes in our district!

It is just so hard to believe that 7th grade is coming to an end.....seems she just started kindergarten last week!

How Much Time?????

I had a discussion with someone the other day regarding how much time this person spends talking to their spouse. Although the person I was speaking to has the incredible bad luck of being 1,000 miles away from their spouse, I was shocked to find out that they spend up to 8 hours a day on weekends on the phone.

Wow.

I started wondering about this, and tried to figure out how much time I spend talking to my husband on any given day. When he is on the boat for a week, we talk maybe 30 minutes a day, and usually not in one clip. It's spread out over many short conversations, interspersed with text messages. When he is home, we talk more of course, but I can't come up with a time estimate. We spend time together because we love each other and enjoy each other's company, but I never thought about how much we actually engage in conversation. I began to think maybe we were unusual, that we were not talking enough or maybe we were just too familiar with each other and conversation was missing somehow.

I wonder though, if perhaps we are not oddballs by thinking that sometimes words are not necessary. We have a heart and spirit connection, and sometimes we can communicate with a glace or a smile that says more than a novel full of words ever could. Sometimes the silence speaks for itself. When I lay down next to my husband and rest my head on his chest, his heartbeat speaks to me in a language all it's own. It's a private language, shared by just us.

I'm not saying there is a right amount or wrong amount of time a couple should spend in conversation. I think that as relationships grow and change it varies greatly in each season. What works for some may not work for everyone. It just made me think.

So what about you? How much time would you estimate you actually spend talking to your spouse or significant other? What would you say is an average time of chatter for other couples you know?

Once Upon A Time.....

...there was a little blog. And it was a very good, sweet blog indeed. It was patient and kind, never too demanding, and always there when I needed to vent to someone.

And now, the poor thing is pouting.

My poor little blog is so neglected.

In all honesty, it has been a whirlwind of activity these past two weeks. We have had a ton of work to do on some rental property we manage, getting it ready for new renters, and in the evenings? Well, we have had something scheduled EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Throw in that I am still not 100% after surgery the end of Feb (I know.....it's taking a lot longer than I thought too).

My recipe for my life right now woudl read something like this:
I shall call this recipe : Life in A Blender

In a standard blender combine one hard working man who is gone 6 months of every year, one very sweet  almost 13 year old girl, and one over the hill Mom.
Toss in 3 cats.
Add one truck that needs a transmission job, two rental properties in need of repairs, one school year that is winding down s-l-o-w-l-y, 48,000,000 tons of dirty laundry, band concerts, dance practice, clarinet lessons, youth group, dance performance, Church, Facebook, at least 2 family members in crisis at this point, My mom having heart cath, my cat-nephew spending a week in ICU at his vet (poor baby!), my niece is getting married in Baton Rouge in just a few weeks[insert that aforementioned almost 13 year old is a bridesmaid here], the two hamsters we are rodent-sitting for a week, and a yard that needs mowing almost every other day due to the deluge of rain we are getting.

Blend on high speed constantly for two weeks or longer, until Mom is a train wreck.

Serve half baked, just like the Mom.

Have a good week! Stay Sane! :)

19 Kids and Counting

Do you watch this show on TLC? I started watching the Duggar family way back when it was 14 Kids and Counting. My mom told me about it, and she was fascinated with the fact that the parents had named all the kids with names that start with "J".

I have followed the show off and on since then, and now with their latest addition, a premie baby girl named Josie Brooklyn, they are up to 19 kids. Oldest son Josh is married and has a child of his own. This makes Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar parents of 19 and grandparents of one.

My bff hates this show. She says it is ridiculous for someone to have that many kids. She lists off reasons like so many kids in foster care that they could adopt, so many homeless kids, and the toll it takes on a woman's body to have one child much less 19! I have mixed emotions. Apparently, the family is self supporting, debt free and relies on no government assistance, so I have no issue with that. I also feel that a couple should have the right to decide how many kids they want to have. I like to watch them shop at thrift stores to find great deals, because I like to do that too. I love the way the family works together, and I think the children are simply beautiful!

I do wonder however, if the seriousness of the premature birth of this last child will deter them from having any more children. I wonder if they will continue to have kids that will be younger than their grandchild. I wonder how the kids will feel years from now about growing up on tv. The recent Jon and Kate mess made me wonder how much of a person's life we have a right to see.

My main concern came out of a moment of curiosity. I searched Facebook for "Duggars" in Arkansas, and came across a group called "I Hate The Duggars". Further reading brought up groups called "Sterilize the Duggars and "Anti-Duggars". Now this makes me angry.I feel that the idea of hating the Duggars or demanding sterilazation of the Duggars is uncalled for. People have the freedom to dislike choices that another person makes, but is it fair to HATE people you have never even met just because of the choices they made? That to me is not a far step from racism, which is hating people based on skin color alone, or hating people for choosing an alternative lifestyle or choose an unconventional job.

Our job as Christians is to LOVE one another. John 13:34-35 tells us that we are to love each other as God loves us. We may not like the choices others make, we may not even like the things other people do, but we have no right to HATE anyone. Sometimes it is difficult to understand why people do the thing they do, but we cannot hate anther person. It is the same with us and God. We are human, with free will and a mind to make our own choices. However, because of our inherent sin nature, we make choices and mistakes that grieve the heart of our God. What if God had hatred for us when we make mistakes? Lucky for us, He is always loving and always has a plan for us. He loves us so much that He sent His own son to die for us so that we can have eternal life through Him. (John 3:16, Romans 5:8)

I guess the best way to summarize what I think is by quoting the saying "Hate the sin, love the sinner". You may not agree with the Duggars or Jon and Kate or with me, but I hope that you do not harbor hate against anyone. It makes for a lonely and bitter life!

My prayer for the Duggars is that they are seeking the plan God has for them, and that baby Josie and all of the kids remain healthy, happy and well adjusted. Is it God's plan for me to have 19 kids????  Nope. But is it for me to judge the Duggars for having 19 kids? Not at all. And to be frank, it isn't anyone else's either.

A New Friend =)

The coolest thing about blogging and Facebook is friendship. I have reconnected with many people from my school years and early childhood, old church friends, past military families that we served with, family friends that I had lost touch with, and along the way I have met many new friends!

One of the blogs I follow is called Hippy Chick. I am not sure exactly how I found this blog, I think it may have been through "Savannah Scrapbooking" or "Want What You Have" but I am not sure.
I was immediately drawn to this blog because it is quirky, funny, warm, witty, creative, and always has something new. It is the blog I wish I had because it is updated frequently and makes me smile.

Over the past few months I learned that the blog author lives about 45 minutes from me. Imagine that! About a bazillion bloggers out there and I find one practically in my own backyard! We emailed a few times, and talked to getting together face to face, but it didn't happen.

Until Saturday. :D

My husband and I ended up in Angela's town, and I facebook messaged her. We texted just about all afternoon, and ended up meeting for dinner. Her daughter is so adorable! Unfortunately, her hubby was worn out from work and couldn't join us, but that is what next time is for!

She commented on her blog that it was like we had known each other forever, and I felt the same way. It was super cool and I can't wait to see her again!

Here is to the start of a beautiful friendship, in real life, not just online :)

Another Point of View

Remember a few months ago when I posted about the issues my daughter was having with being bullied at school? Well, tonight's youth group message really hit home with my daughter and she told me she wanted to blog about it. 


She has her own blog, and she will post this story there tomorrow, but I invited her to be my guest blogger tonight. Here is her story. Please comment and let her know what you think!

Tonight, our youth pastor was talking about friends. True friends, cocky friends, temperamental friends, etc., etc., etc. It made me think of the first half of the school year. Most of my class was kids whose parents could no longer afford private school or kids who went to the elementary school next door. Well, I was one of few kids from Pooler.

Everything was fine for a while. Breaking the ice, making friends, learning about people, and the like. I met a girl, lets call her Pop A, she was from Pennsylvania, and so I understood the left out thing. We became good friends. I hurt my knee, and they wouldn’t let me go to school because of the medicine I was taking. So, I come back to school, I think Wednesday, she wouldn’t talk to me. She wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, or even acknowledge me. Before I go on, let’s define friend. According to dictionary.com, friend, noun, means a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Ok, moving on.

So, I text her and we had a nice chat. Sorta how it went:
Me- Hey, what’s up?
Pop A- Nm. U?
Me- Same.
Pop A- Cool.

This is where things fell apart.
Me- Why won't u talk to me?
Pop A- Because
Me- Seriously, why.
Pop A- Well…
Me- What?
Pop A- I’m cool and you’re not.
Me- Oh

I went crying to my mom. She told to say something like, “Well, I guess we’re not friends anymore. But, I want you to know I care about you.” So I do that and she said ok. It ended up that we’re not friends, we’re classmates now.

After that, things started happening. Some examples:
-Pop B&C sitting in front of me, look towards me, whisper, and laugh
-Pop D (I only heard a snippet of this one) whispering with some others and I hear her say “like those” pointing at my shoes and laughing.
-Pop E (I had a Hannah Montana lanyard, “kids” shows are put down extremely) Hannah Montana? Laughs and gossips with others.
-All pops- our lunch table was divided. Pretty much into these groups:
*Boys (except for 3 pop boys)
* Pops
* Me and my two best friends.
-So, once my friends and I wanted to see why they were all laughing, and joking and just being happy. So we sat with them. Everyone became silent, ate, a few whispers, and just looked at us. We got the message and never sat there again.

Things like this kept happening. I cried every afternoon. I begged my mom not to make me go to school. My mom finally talked to teachers, counselors, vice principals, everyone.
We had a meeting. It was a Wednesday or Thursday, and I was called in. I could only recall two events before I broke down. They decided to move me. I expected the next day or Monday to be moved. No, they moved me in this period.

In my new homeroom, I walked in and everyone thought I was replacing a girl everyone liked. Well, that was solved. Then 3 boys thought my name was Deborah. Deborah? My name starts with an M!

Ever since then, I’ve had few problems.

A Must Read!

I have several blogs that I follow. Two of my favorites are Jamie's blog at www.savannahscrapbooking.typepad.com, and Heather's blog  at
http://blog.wantingwhatyouhave.com


Heather's blog is mostly about how to be content with your life by living simply, with detailed hilarious accounts of her daily life.

Jamie's blog is a laugh a minute, quirky and endlessly entertaining ramble of all things in her wonderful life in Dhu Land. (I secretly wanna be her when I grow up)

Last night I flipped over to Heather's blog and was shocked and sickened by what I saw. She reported that by following stat counter (www.statcounter.com), she learned that some sick, perverted, twisted person had found her blog in a Google search by searching "little kids naked".

She wrote a very real and honest account of how this made her feel and the methods she used to report this scum sucking pervert to the proper authorities. I quickly jumped onto stat counter and set up an account for myself.

I urge you to look into it for yourself, especially if you post pictures of your children on a blog or other public forum. It is a scary, ugly world we live in sometimes and we MUST protect our kids. Sadly, technology is so far ahead of legal measures that it is up to US to do what we can to stand between our family and some low life jerk who wants to get his thrill by looking at our kids in bathing suits or precious newborns in a bathtub. Makes me want to barf.

Schwan's House Party

Check this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot tell you all how excited I am about this! My box of goodies came yesterday, full of great coupons and recipe cards and insulated lunch bags for each guest. If you would be interested in attending my Schwan's House party and sampling great Schwan's products for FREE, just leave a comment and I will get you all the details!

It's Party Time!

A few weeks ago, I got an email inviting me to enter for a chance to host a Schwan's House Party. You know all about Schwan's, right? The big yellow trucks that deliver tasty treats like pizza and ice cream right to your door? Oh yeah baby....gotta love delicious eats that you don't even have to leave home to get!

Well, after I read the info, I decided to enter. Did not figure I had a snowball's chance in Hawaii of being chosen from the tens of thousands of entries in this nationwide contest, but guess what???? I DID GET SELECTED!

This week I ordered my party pack, which contains over $100 worth of food to share with my friends so that they can sample Schwan's wonderful products for themselves. In about 3 weeks my home will be party central, with folks chowing down on things like Italian meatballs, Three Cheese Pizza, Chicken Cheese Quesadillas, Mini Corndogs, Fried Green Beans, Baked Chicken Nuggets, Guacamole, Gooey Chocolate Chip Cookies and Mini Ice Cream Treats. Each guest gets an insulated lunch tote and coupons for Schwan's products.

I'm excited!!!!!! I had not heard of  HouseParty until now. Check them out HERE and sign up for a chance to be chosen to host a party of your own to showcase delicious foods and new products from cool companies like Gerber, Ball, Hasbro Games and many more,.

Earth Mom

This year Earth Day has prompted me to think a lot about our Earth. My best friend and I had a conversation a while back about recycling. She said she doesn't recycle because she does not believe that it will be long before we are with Jesus in the Rapture and the Earth won't be out home anymore. I agree that the return of Jesus is probably a lot closer than we realize, but I also believe that when God created Adam and gave him dominion over everything in the garden of Eden, he also charged him with the responsibility of taking care of the Earth and all of His creation.

I wish that I were better about living green, but I am trying. Here are some ways I do my part to Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.

• I use reusable grocery totes. I bought several large totes at Save A Lot and I use them everywhere. At first I felt bad about using them at Publix or Kroger but once the baggers commented on how much they like the larger bags I felt better. They hold the equivalent of about 4 plastic bags and are much easier to carry. 
• We recycle. Our city does not offer curbside recycling so we take our recyleables to the city recycling center which is less than a mile from our house. My husband and daughter load them into the back of our truck about every 2 weeks and take them to the center. We recycle aluminum cans, office paper, tin cans, glass, plastic, cardboard, magazines and newspapers.
• We reuse things. We recently planted our garden seedlings in empty yogurt cups and applesauce containers. 
• We shop at thrift stores. We find great deals on clothes and household items there and save money as well as reusing perfectly good items that someone else had no use for anymore.
• We use Freecycle. We have gifted and received some really good stuff! This is a great way to keep stuff out of landfills!
• I purchase a stainless steel water bottle for my daughter's lunch to limit the use of bottled water. 
• I keep a clean dish towel hanging on my oven handle to use for drying my hands instead of using paper towels. 
• I only wash full loads in my washing machine and dishwasher.
• I dry my clothes on a short cycle, then check them. I am usually surprised to find out that the items dry in much less time than I thought. This saves money and energy over automatically setting my dryer timer for 60 minutes.
• We use ceiling fans in every room. I read a study recently that shows that using a ceiling fan can lower the temperature in a room by as much as 6 degrees. In the hot humid summers of south Georgia, this really helps!

There are ways that I would like to improve in my Green (or sometimes not so green) life:

• I would like to purchase new energy efficient appliances and low flow faucets and toilets. (I do have a large jar of water in my toilet tank to save water.) Unfortunately this is not a financial possibility right now.
• I would like to be able to use public transportation but it is not offered in our city.
• My biggest dream would be to have solar panels on my home to generate clean energy
• I would like to eliminate paper napkins and paper towels completely in favor of cloth versions but I am too lazy.
• I still take long hot showers. I enjoy them and find them relaxing. I really do not want to give up this simple luxury.
• I would like to make a compost bin and make organic compost for our little veggie garden and my yard plants. I would like one of those kitchen counter compost pails as well. I found direction to make my own from a large plastic coffee can and a charcoal filter, but have not tried it yet. Just can't justify one of those spiffy $50 stainless steel numbers.

So what do you do to keep our planet clean? What are your thoughts on reducing waste, reusing things or recycling?
Happy Earth Day!!!!!
(image from Google image search)

Pages to turn

My poor blog is so neglected. I feel like such a bad mom to my blog. Is there an agency out there like Blog Protective Services? If so I am pretty sure they will be knocking on my door and confiscating my keyboard any moment. Just seems like life has been so complicated lately.

Most people, with the exception of close friends and church family, did not know that I was having a hysterectomy until it was all said and done. I had been so sick for the past few months, even a year or more, that I was really hoping that I would feel a hundred times better after surgery.  Maybe that day is coming, but it isn't here yet. I do feel better, but I am still not me. I get tired very easily, and I can't seem to think clearly. Dragging myself through the day is about all I can do most days, and even then I feel like I am only doing most things half way.

My 40th birthday is this week. I am not looking forward to it. I know it is better than the alternative (LOL) but this is a very difficult time. Most people also did not know that we had tried for years to have another child, to no avail. I had always said no more kids after 30, then 35, then finally I set my deadline as 40. Now, due to health issues, that dream has ended. I am approaching 40 not so much as "old", but more the end of a chapter in my life. It isn't the end of the book, but it is the end of an important chapter.To be perfectly honest, I am really struggling with that. I don't understand how some women can have a dozen kids and can't/won't take care of any of them, while  so many women who would be wonderful mothers struggle with infertility as I (and my sister and most of our family) did.

I am so grateful that God blessed us with our daughter. She is growing into the loveliest young lady. She is funny, smart, talented and gifted in so many ways. She is sweet and beautiful and a real joy to be around. I wish that we had been able to give her a younger brother or sister, but obviously that is not meant to be. I have heard from well-meaning friends that I should be happy with what God gave me and not ask for more, that there are too many people on the planet anyway, that we should be grateful that we have one healthy child and not "test fate", and so much other unsolicited but well intended advice. I am incredibly blessed with my daughter, and I love her dearly. She is everything parents could dream of having and more.

But somehow, even though the surgery was necessary and I know in time I will be so thankful it was done, I feel sort of like I am spinning my wheels in life. And with 40 slapping me in the face, it's tough. I warned my husband and my best friend that if anyone tries to pull any of that "over the hill" or "lordy lordy look who's 40" crap I may just explode. They were both so understanding and I am grateful for their support. I know that turning 40 is not the end of the world, but when you couple it with other major life changes, it feels like it's pretty close. It isn't the age.......it's that I wasn't ready to write this chapter in the story of my life just yet. The worst part is it was written for me.

Happy Easter everyone!

Yesterday was a beautiful celebration of Christ's Resurrection! We had a PACKED house at church, then came home and rested a bit. I made dinner last night. Our best friends came over as well as my in-laws. My parents are still out of town. Jamie was working. :(

I cannot believe how much my daughter has grown. No more little girl here, she has grown into a stunning young lady. We still dyed a few eggs, and did the basket thing, but honestly my heart broke a little when her PaPa and Brenda and I hid the eggs, which she hunted, but then quietly said that "some of the magic was gone." I did not cry. (At least not when she could see me.)

I know that things are changing, and I love the young lady she is becoming. I am proud of her for the choices she makes and the attention she gives her schoolwork. She is a good friend, and is approaching this first boyfriend thing with great maturity and wisdom. I am grateful for these things and thank God for them several times a day. But seriously, where did my little girl go????